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Amander

[ website | eat it ]
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[Wednesday the 17th 5:06p]
[ mood | reclusive ]

My name is Amanda Mae.

I am in a state of transition. I desperately believe If you believe in something beautiful, then get up and be it.


And I will.


I only know that I love.


Most of my journal is friends only
and I probably won't add you unless you comment on this entry.
73 SATELLITEsFUCK

HEY [Monday the 9th 2:17p]
If you ever read this bullshit, go add me at amandano9menthe.


This part of my life is over.
FUCK

notes on grades [Sunday the 11th 8:26p]
Uhm

It's either not so bad or I don't care.
FUCK

notes on quotes [Thursday the 1st 12:18p]
[ mood | anxious ]

Tiffany Bolner: "Tom, don't talk unless you can improve the silence."

2 SATELLITEsFUCK

notes on Elvis Costello. I can't get enough of him. [Friday the 16th 9:16a]
[ mood | dead ]

my head is spinnin' and my legs are weak
goose-step dancin', can't hear myself speak.

hope in the eyes of the ugly girls
that settle for the lies of last chancers
when slow motion drunks pick wallflower dancers.



you come here lookin' for the ride to glory
go back home with a hard luck story
i can hardly wait around 'til the weekend comes to town.

play one more for my radio sweetheart
hide your love, hide your love.
though we are so far apart,
you've got to hide your love.
'cause that's the way the whole thing started,
i wish we had never parted!

when it's late and the night gets colder
don't lay your head on any other shoulder.

some hire themselves out for a good time
but you and i, we have been sold

so i keep on sayin':

play one more for my radio sweetheart.










I slept in 4 hour incriments last night. I fell down a flight of stairs last night. My blood pressure was dangerously high last night for a rediculous amount of time. I feel like if you killed me and tried to serve me as a meal, my meat would be stringy and dry [that's how my muscles feel right now] WHY CAN'T ANYONE EVER FOLLOW MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT WHEN I'M TIRED?
FUCK

Remember this? [Thursday the 15th 4:29p]
[ mood | bitchy ]



A long time ago, I made a poetry community.

Now I'm changing the focus of it from straight up poetry, to any kind of artistic expression that aims at re-creating a moment or emotion that you felt was important as it was happening.

I know it sounds really vague and stupid, but join and post anyway. Post anything. Something good will come out of it, I bet.
1 SATELLITEFUCK

notes from a really tired brain [Thursday the 8th 1:06a]
If you have yellow cake batter because that's all you can find in walking distance of Oakland, and you add red/pink or blue food dye... you get orange and green cupcakes.
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And I don't care because they taste just the same, with their sprinkles and home made icing.

Sometimes I really want to think straight and articulate the thoughts behind the emotion that I have but I just can't and it drives me really fucking crazy. So much goes on in my head and at 1:00 am when I've been going and going for so many hours there just isn't anything there.



FUCK.

and the whole fucking issue was driven by steam!

Better cupcakes tomorrow.
2 SATELLITEsFUCK

notes on things we never really let go of, even if we were 13 [Monday the 29th 3:30p]
[ mood | mellow ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AJ MCLEAN OF THE BACKSTREET BOYS. Don't believe what they tell you, you were my first true love. You may be turning 29 today but I'd still fuck you sideways.

8 SATELLITEsFUCK

notes on things that are overlooked [Friday the 26th 4:51p]
Does anyone ever think about what a rediculous invention the PEZ dispenser is?
4 SATELLITEsFUCK

notes on why I smoke at 4am [Sunday the 21st 4:06a]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I just had the most morbid nightmare about rotting corpses and the apocolypse. People thought that the end of the world was coming and they terrified themselves into these half-living zombie creatures that just rotted. There was a family in a farm house and there were rats pouring into it and farm animals dead in the front yard. And people were trying to move to more obscure locations, preferrabley where their ancestors were from, like Russia, or sometimes an exotic paradise, like the Bahamas, but Russia was like a 3rd world country and there was nothing to eat, and the beaches were full of things like sand crabs that were attacking and killing people.

I remember asking over and over again, "Why is the world ending?" Was it some sort of relgious event? Was the sun engulfing the earth? And while I was walking through the crowded streets screaming "WHY IS THE WORLD ENDING?!" at the top of my lungs, a man stopped me and said particularly calmly, "It's just time." As though the world were just old enough and I was just unfortunate enough to experience what happens when the world reaches its senior years.

1 SATELLITEFUCK

bow tie [Wednesday the 10th 11:50p]
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5 SATELLITEsFUCK

sweethearts [Wednesday the 3rd 1:25p]
[ mood | content ]

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peppermint tea and American Spirit cigarettesCollapse )

"If anyone asks, we were super plastered in all those pictures."
We weren't, though.
4 SATELLITEsFUCK

hahaha. ahh-choo! hahahahahaha. [Wednesday the 29th 4:02p]
"i'm confused. really confused. i was wondering if you guys could help me out a little bit. see, i'm going out with this guy. his name is matt, and we've been dating for almost three months now. this is my logest relationship, and we're pretty in love with each other. sounds good, right? "

I love sixteen year olds.





Also, I'm sick so I bought a hoodie at American Apperal. It makes sense to me.
3 SATELLITEsFUCK

the campus returns to life [Monday the 27th 2:59p]
[ mood | energetic ]

Last night I smoked weed from Virgninia and then more weed from Miami.

I see Rich, and with this serious, blank look, he pulls a blunt halfway out of his pocket. I just grabbed my coat and followed him out the door. No words were exchanged. It was serious business.

I left without my away message up and now everyone thinks I'm ignoring them.

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Flexing. Also, in this picture you get a vague idea of how damaged my hair really is. It's been bleached more times than I care to think about and has the texture of hay. I don't give a fuck.
2 SATELLITEsFUCK

this is the weirdest survey ever but i have time to kill [Friday the 3rd 1:46p]
[ mood | artistic ]

First, Yourself:

Who are you? a 20 yr old psychology and social work student
What color eyes do you have? dark brown
What about your hair? bleach blonde, dark roots [lazy]
What is one thing you would change about yourself? my nose, it's terribley asymmetrical
Do you think you're funny? yes, I'm hilarious
Are you a nice person, be honest? I'm friendly. That's pretty nice.
How do you think others see you? as pretty much a doormat who gives hugs
How do you see yourself? I'm content with myself. I like that.
What is one thing you're afraid of? going crazy.
Do you laugh or cry more? laugh, most definitely


Second, Currently:
Where would you like to be: drunk
Who would you like to be with: I don't want to talk about it
Do you miss anyone right now: I still don't want to talk about it
What are you listening to: hot hot heat
What are you wearing: brown coorderoys and a red shirt. I look adorable right now.


Third, L.O.V.E.:
Are you in love right now: I might be... I'm not really sure. So probably not.
What is your status: single with interest
Have you ever been heartbroken: ohhhh haven't we all
Are you heartbroken right now: nah
Do you want to be in love right now: NO.
Is someone in love with you right now: not that I've been made aware of
What is love: an obscure concept that people have a hard time putting into practice.
Is there someone out there for everyone: no
Do you plan on getting married: if it happens, I'll take it.
Are you interested in anyone right now: yes
Is anyone interested in you: maybe. I wish I knew.


Fourth, the perfect partner:
What color eyes would they have: not important to me. They tend to have green, though.
What kind of hairstyle/haircolor: irrelevent, but it seems to always be long
Personality: FUNNY PLEASE. Make me laugh and I'm yours.
Loud and outgoing, or shy: outgoing. Please.
Athletic, smart, or in between: smart
How would they show they cared about you: they would tell me
What do you find sweet in a guy/girl: how they treat people. Kind people are the best.
What is a big turn off: being mean to animals
What about turn on: being good to me
Flirty or reserved: FILTHY

Fifth, Life:
Are you happy right now: yes
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: almost out of grad school?
Are you smarter now than you were a year ago: absolutely. in almost every way.
Have you made new friends in the past year: a bunch and they rule
Any new regrets: I don't like to regret. Better not to change the past.
Any new ideas/opinions: I'm not letting my emotions rule me, and it's sweet
Any last words: TRUST LUST

2 SATELLITEsFUCK

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? [Sunday the 29th 2:39p]
[ mood | content ]

So on Friday, Kevin was at the IBK party. I didn't expect to see him there, but we actually talked for a long time. Kissed a little. Whatever. We're friends, and that makes me really happy. Maybe it's because the relationship meant more to me than it should, but the fact that things can be okay between us makes me really content. That's all I could want.

My parents just left a little while ago.
I took my dad to a hookah bar. It was amazing.

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Yeah, that's my 56 year old father, hitting a hookah at the HKahn.

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That's me being proud as all hell that I dragged him there.

I love my parents. I am happy.
7 SATELLITEsFUCK

i want to sleep. or die. [Thursday the 5th 5:39a]
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WUH-BAAM!
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He licked the salty blood off his lips, musing, "We say the same thing upon handing in an unprepared paper that we do on the day of our death: I could have used more time."
4 SATELLITEsFUCK

I don't even know. I doubt you could explain this to me. [Tuesday the 26th 2:49a]
As I was walking down the street today, a boy stopped me and asked me for a cigarette. While I was digging for one, he asked me if I wanted to see what happened to his wrists. Before I could answer, he pulled his sleeves up. He had slit his wrists. He was bleeding everywhere. He told me he was on his way to Western Psych.

I did not know what to do. I gave him the cigarette and told him to take care.

Then I came back to my room and cried for a while. I'm not really sure why. This is the first time I've cried [sober] since July. Now I feel nothing. I feel like I read that in a book. It didn't happen to me. I didn't almost get a stranger's blood on me.




-- This is not symbolism, this is not an exaggeration, this was not a dream. This exact fucking thing happened to me on the way home from band tonight. --
2 SATELLITEsFUCK

150 questions? daym, bitch! [Sunday the 24th 8:04p]
[ mood | fuckshitbored ]

001. How many keys are on your keychain? I don't have a keychain. Because I don't have any keys.
002. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? When I decide I'm not too lazy, eyeliner and eyeshadow.
003. Is your AIM away message on? no
004. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? chicken and white rice. I want it NOW.
005. What curse word do you use the most? "fuck" or possibley "cunt"
006. Do you own an iPod? nah. I have an MP3 player, though.
007. Who on your Myspace "Top 8" do you talk to the most? In real life, Katy.
008. What time is your alarm clock set for? 6:30 pm, because I wanted to remember to call my mom last night.
009. How many suitcases do you own? Two, and they're green.
010. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside? I don't like flipflops very much. I usually end up having to walk unexpectedly long distances when I wear them.
011. Where do you buy your groceries? Exxon.
012. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Be in. I'm narcisitic, I love looking at pictures of myself.
013. What was the last movie you watched? I don't remember... I think I saw part of the Matrix last night, but who the fuck remembers what they did last night?
014. Do any of your friends have children? quite a few, actually. How disturbing.
015. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy? A dog. A big dog. I love big dogs.
016. Has anyone ever called you lazy? Mmhmm.
017. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? I've taken over the coutner sleeping pills. And I abuse Nyquil.
018. What CD is currently in your CD player? Catch 22 -- Dinosaur Sounds
019. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? regular, I suppose
020. Has anyone told you a secret this week? Yes
021. When was the last time someone hit on you? Last night. I hit them first, to be fair.
022. Do you wear hoodies often? i <3 hoodies. I wish I had a hoodie that said that.
023. What color hair do you have? Bleach blonde right now and it looks like shit and I don't care.
024. Can you whistle? Yes, but this is a recent development.
025. What is the first thing you see when you look to your left? a bed that would belong to my roommate if I had one, but I don't, so I turned it into a sofa-type thing.
026. Do you make your own jewelry? I have, but I don't have the time anymore.
027. Have you ever participated in a protest? Only one.
028. Who was the last person to call you? Jacquie
029. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Tilt-a-Whirl!!
030. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? I don't know, probably, but I could give a fuck.
031. Have you ever dated one of your best friends? that's how I roll.
032. What area code are you in right now? 412
033. Did you watch cartoons as a child? No. I lived in a cave. With my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed. Douche.
034. How big is your local mall? It's huge and outdoors [Waterfront]
035. What is your job title? Fucking Mooch
036. How many siblings do you have? None
037. Have you ever been so drunk that you threw up? Yes, but I rarely throw up when drunk. I am not a normal drunk.
038. Are you shy around the opposite sex? Bitch, I aint shy 'round no one.
039. What is your biggest regret? Face fucking that hooker.
040. Have you ever had Jamba Juice? I've never even heard of Jamba Juice.
041. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? Sure
042. Favorite movie? Garden State, I guess. Maybe Closer? I don't know.
043. Do you own any band t-shirts? Yes'm
044. What is your favorite candle scent? I love this question! Cherry I think.
045. How many aunts and uncles do you have? I have an uncle on my mom's side and two aunts on my dad's side
046. When was your last plane ride? uhm... Several years ago to Florida I think
047. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. It looks like it should taste better. It's not that great
048. How many chairs are at your dining room table? Dining room table? How fancy.
049. What is your favorite salad dressing? itali raspberry vinegarette
050. Do you read for fun? yeah
051. Can you speak any languages other than English? a little Spanish, and less German
052. Where is your cell phone? in mah pocket
053. Do you do your own dishes? I never even use my dishes
054. What color is your bedroom painted? white with sherberty colored woodwork
055. Are your parents divorced? no
056. Have you ever cried in public? once or twice, but not recently
057. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? laptop
058. Which do you make: wishes or plans? Plans. I'm not much of an idealist these days.
059. Are you always trying to learn new things? yes
060. What messenger programs do you have? just AIM.
061. Do you shower on a daily basis? not daily, no. ::GROSS::
062. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? no peircings to speak of, but I have my calf sparrows planned out ans I'm saving up.
063. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? I don't mind going Dutch, but who doesn't like a free meal?
064. Can you skip rocks? yes
065. Have you ever been to Jamaica? No.
066. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres? Raisonettes. But if they were spelled that way, I probably wouldn't eat them.
067. Who was your favorite teacher? Mr. Bryant, probably. I had him for peer helper, psychology, and modern global history. Plus he was real nice.
068. Have you ever dated someone out of your race? no. Kissed, yes. Dated, no.
069. What is the weather like? cool, windy, sunny. Perfect fall day. The leaves are turning.
070. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? that would be amazingly hot.
071. Do you have an online journal? No.
072. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school? no. Too much energy.
073. What is/was your favorite time of day? evening, I suppose
074. Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? well, it's faster. Other than that, I'm fairly neutral.
075. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex? sense of humor. Typical answer, yes, but it's cliche for a reason.
076. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? Yes, I love personality.
077. When was the last time you slept on the floor? the last time I passed out drunk.
078. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? shots of tequila.
079. Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru? no
080. Do you like your living arrangement? absolutely
081. Has anyone ever called you spoiled? oh hellz bellz yes
082. What is your mothers hometown? Easton
083. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents? the same as my dad, yes
084. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? it varies based on the amount of coffee available the next morning
085. Do you eat breakfast daily? not daily
086. What was the last thing to scare you? this dream I had, and when I woke up there was a commercial on TV for the new Grudge movie.
087. Do you own a Playstation? Yes!
088. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? just once
089. What is your usual bedtime? midnight-ish... two?
090. Do you know who Janice Dickinson is? no, and I'm not going to google it based on principle.
091. How many pairs of shoes do you own? something like 5 or 6 are in my closet. Maybe 10 or 11 total.
092. Are your days full and fast-paced? sometimes.
093. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? Yeah
094. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're sitting in? carpet
095. Where you a "planned" child? Yes.
096. What is your favorite fruit? Kiwi!
097. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? not really
098. What color underwear are you wearing? white with blue polka dots
099. Do you know how to work a cash register? yes
100. How much is gas where you live? I haven't noticed recently. I don't pay attention when I'm not driving.
101. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? kind of. I'm equal parts meticulous and lazy.
102. What time is your curfew? get real
103. Who is your bank account with? PNC
104. If you had ONE wish, what would you wish for? a magic weightloss pill.
105. Do you believe in life on other planets? I don't know and I don't feel like thinking about it right now
106. What does your mouse pad look like? no mouse pad
107. Have you ever been to geauga lake? no
108. Who was the last person to piss you off? Stacey. Stop talking, Jesus H. Christ.
109. Do you believe that God has a gender? I don't know how to answer this question.
110. What was the last thing you ate? Salad
111. Can others make you cry easily? no
112. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? I get along with everybody
113. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? a pumpkin!
114. How did your parents pick your name? Amanda was an actress on a soapopera my mom watched when she was pregnant with me.
115. Do you like mustard? Yes! But only yellow mustard, not honey mustard.
116. If you could enter a celebrity's mind, whose would you choose to enter? Zack Braff
117. What do you tell yourself when times get hard? could be worse
118. Would you ever sky dive? I'm not sure. I might.
119. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? side
120. What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself? Spiderman
121. Can you pop your knuckles? yeah
122. Do you know what an IP address is? yes
123. Have you ever bid for something on ebay? once
124. What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant? I could give a fuck. Except, I wish I were carrying Brad Pitt's child.
125. Do you enjoy giving hugs? awwwyeah
127. Would you consider yourself to be fashionable? no, not at all
128. What song lyric, if any, is stuck in your head at the moment? "You Can't Handle This" by Five Iron Frenzy has been stuck in my head for days.
130. Do you own a digital camera? mmhmm
129. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? flattered
130. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry. Simplify, man.
131. What's your favorite color? green
132. What celebrities have you been compared to? what? i don't know.
133. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? ANAKIN SKYWALKER MARRY ME AND HAVE EVIL CHILDREN WITH ME.
134. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do? nah, it's usually me doing the not calling
135. What books, if any, have made you cry? I can't read!
136. Do you think you're attractive? I think I'm pretty cute sometimes.
137. What are you allergic to? the wax they use on your eyebrows at salons.
138. Are you a jealous person? nah
139. What is your favorite Christmas//winter movie? they're all cheesey and predicteble.
140. Have you memorized your Social Security Number? yessss
141. Did you vote in the last election? indeed i did
142. Whats your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? Easier said than done. I have no problem with it, and I'm getting better at it. (Haha, like it's a skill to be honed. Excellent.)
143. Do you dance? No.
144. Have you ever had the "falling" dream? Yes
145. Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat? you know, I do every now and again
146. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be? Scott
147. Did you ever celebrate "Pi Day"? yes, last year. Thanks, Kevin.
148. What is the time? 4:43
149. What browser do you use to check your myspace? Explorer
150. Are you currently in a relationship? nah, man

FUCK

this. is fucking sweet. [Sunday the 10th 6:58p]
My Interests Collage!Collapse )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424



I'm mostly impressed that there's a picture of PittBand readily accessible for such use. How fantastic.
1 SATELLITEFUCK

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